My life as a pincushion and other adventures in infertility

Sunday, May 22, 2011

My Christmas Miracle

At this moment, I have a baby asleep in my lap. My baby! That simple fact still amazes me every day.

I apologize for falling off the face of the blog world. Life got busy. And then my son came into this world, and life got really busy.

I'm deficient in posts -- about 10 months deficient. So, here is the very simplified run down.

The rest of my pregnancy was filled with wild cravings for spaghetti and meatballs.

At 20 weeks, I found out the stork was bringing a package wrapped in blue. I'm not going to lie to you -- I struggled with that at first. I had already planned out a future with a daughter, who I would shop with and take to dance class. I wasn't prepared for a son. I promise to write more about that later, in case someone else stumbles upon this blog who is feeling a little gender disappointment. But the amazing piece to pass along is, regardless of whether you can imagine yourself with a baby of a certain gender, the minute he (or she) is placed in your arms, you forgot you ever wanted anything other than what is exactly in front of you.

My son entered this world on Christmas morning. And he is, and will remain for the rest of my life, the best Christmas present I have ever been given.

I remember a few years ago being told by a counselor I was seeing while struggling with infertility, that she knew a woman who had gone through three IVFs and had decided she was done -- she just couldn't do it again. Her husband asked her to give it just one more try. He had a feeling. They went through one more round, and low and behold, she got pregnant. That year, on December 25th, she gave birth to a son. They called it a Christmas miracle. When this story was told to me, I would never have imagined that two Christmas' later, I would be welcoming my own Christmas miracle into this world.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Me and My Pillow

I've been a terrible blogger. I'm sorry. The truth of the matter is ... I've been spending a lot of time with my pillow. Turns out, it takes a lot of energy (and spaghetti and meatballs -- one of my cravings) to grow a baby.

I am officially 17.5 weeks (but whose counting ...) and the baby bump is out there for the world to see. Luckily, the urge to puke has been left behind (but not before a very public incident in the cosmetics aisle of CVS. My apologies to the few unlucky customers that fell victim and to the carpet). But for the most part, aside from wanting to sleep morning, noon and night, things are rolling along.

The Negotiation

So a final decision has been made and we will be asking the ultrasound guru to reveal the sex. I have never been a patient person, and I think its unlikely the trait will kick in now. So, waiting another 20 weeks is beyond my capacity. My husband, on the other hand, couldn't be more patient and would love to wait until the finish line. Since this pregnancy hasn't made him puke, I got 51 percent of the vote and gave a promise that if we are lucky enough to get pregnant again, we can go the old-fashioned route and wait to find out on the birth day then.

And although I feel guilty writing it ... I do have a preference. I'm really hoping the stork wrapped up our package in pink.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

One Beautiful Sac and Yolk Sac Right Where It's Supposed To Be ...

*Sigh* It's been a long 24 hours.

I started bleeding last night. (Having gone through an ectopic/miscarriage before, the site of blood sent me into full panic mode). So we called CCRM and paged the doc on call, which was Schoolcraft (my first contact with him). My husband was trying to describe the situation and Schoolie cut him off and requested to chat with me. Too funny. So, I explained there was some blood and some cramping. He told me it was probably okay, but told me to head in and get an ultrasound and hcg first thing this morning.

Although not a morning girl at all, I pulled it together at the crack. At this point, the blood was now just traces of brown. Schoolie called early, while I was getting my blood draw, to see how I was. Have to say, I was impressed by that. He was very excited about the brown color. Brown = good, we were told.

Then, my old RE saw me personally for the ultrasound. (I was so, so thankful of his willingness to see me and do the ultrasound personally rather than having to have the experience with a tech I didn't know.) And ... then, the amazing part happened. We saw the sac and yolk sac. A beautiful site. Just one, but a beautiful one. My old RE was hugged several times after this discovery. One of those hugs was from by my husband while the man was holding the ultrasound dildo. It was quite a site.
My hcg came back at 10,000 (up from 3,900 three days ago ... so also a good sign).

Feet Up
I was told to go home and put the feet up. So here I am, feet up and afraid to move. This afternoon, I had a bit more blood (at least old looking blood rather than fresh blood), which the nurse said might happen. Apparently, from the ultrasound they believe they could see where I was bleeding from and it sounds like it was a maybe tear in the uterus rather than a sensitive cervix. (Yikes ... don't like the sound of it at all. A sensitive cervix sounds so much better.) But, I think the bean and I are going to be just fine. I have a feeling. My husband keeps on telling me this is our time, and I've decided to believe it.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

And the Betas Are In ...

It turns out I am no better waiting for my betas than I was during the two-week wait. I'm pretty sure I am supposed to be learning a lesson in patience here ... but I'm not sure it's sticking!

So, beta number two (11DP5DT)has come in at 309!!!!! It more than tripled from my first beta (9DP5DT), which was at 92.8. *Sigh* I'm really knocked up. (OK ... even that little comment is enough to start me crying. The emotions have definitely not been what you would call on solid ground. Welcome to hormones.)

Surprisingly, I have already been nauseated on and off for a few days. On the first night I felt it, I questioned whether I had food poisoning. Sorry neighborhood burger joint. I wrongly accused you! It was all the work of the the bean(s).

The Birthday Present

I also received the orders for our first ultrasound to see the heartbeat today. And it turns out, it will be on May 5th, which just happens to be my 38th birthday. This is going to be the best birthday of my life. (Don't worry Mom, my the Alice in Wonderland Birthday party when I was 5 still comes in a close second.)

Thursday, April 15, 2010

I Heart CCRM!

There are two lines!!!!!!

The husband and I have starred at that stick it in 10 different lights, left it on the counter run back to it, checked it 110 times ... and although faint, every time we see a beautiful double line.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Not the Buddha

So, can I just say I am terrible ... and I do mean terrible ... at the two-week wait. The Valium from transfer day has definitely worn off! I already want to POAS (which is ridiculous because I am only 3 days post transfer ... ) and yet that might not stop me.

I was so Buddha there for 24 hours post transfer (which probably had a lot to do with the Valium), and was feeling so relieved because of the 100 percent cell survival on the frosties and the hatching!! We've never hatched before. On a side note for those of you doing the Microarray at CCRM, you will likely hatch, too. John the embryologist explained that the small hole from the biopsy provides an opening, much like assisted hatching.

So ... when do you think is the earliest I can POAS. 5DPT? And for those of you that have already gotten your BFPs, did you have implantation bleeding? (No sign of that so far ...) I am driving myself nuts. I want these babies so badly ...

I'm taking it very easy and just waiting. Too things I have never reached pro status at. A few twitches and twinges here and there, but nothing major to report.

If you are out there and know the secret to the TWW, please, please, please take me out of misery and share.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Mr. Team IVF has a few things to say

Greetings to all the boarders:

First the very, very good news: Mrs. TeamIVF is the new recipient of two hatching blastos. More on that later since she's still napping and the cat keeping her feet warm looks like he doesn't want to be disturbed. Mrs. Team, however, gave me full permission to post for her. Of course, the temptation to say all sorts of snarky things immediately goes out the window when I remember that Mrs. Team's estrogen is somewhere in the Everest range. But then I also remember that moi, Monsieur Team, has had his work completed a long, long time ago.

Enough about me since it's really all about Mrs. Team and all the Mrs. Team comrades out there. From the 22-gauge butt shots (does that make me a gun enthusiast?) to the various other medicines (that you girls know what I'm talking about) required for this super long process, even more reasons why we Mr. Teams are damn lucky to have you.

More about Mrs. Team's new hatchlings: they looked like little ying-yangs on the screen before going into their new home. Mrs. Team isn't a big sweet-and-sour fan, so maybe this will solve that little issue the next time we order Chinese food. Then, after the RE dropped them off, the embryopro told us that there was no cell loss from the thaw and, yes, hatching was a good thing. (Full disclosure: I asked the last question; those of you who know Mrs. Team undoubtedly know she knows much more than her Mr., but I do try.)

I'm sure Mrs. Team will write more later when the valium wears off. She was never given it in our other IVF tours, and she's not crampy at all. Makes me wonder if that would help my next marathon...

With all luck and prayer, more good news to come!